What is your journey?

Lisa and I had a nice quiet and romantic dinner last night to start out the new year.  It was excellent.  Great food, nice wine, soft lights….couldn’t be better.  And as is usual of this time of year we started talking about goals.  And I’ll admit that I’ve never been the best at putting my goals down on paper.  It’s just not something I was brought up to do.  Probably because everything is predetermined when you’re the son of a coal miner and are destined to merely survive!

Okay, maybe that’s a little melodramatic…but it’s close to how I’ve always felt.  As the conversation continued we both believed that 2010 is going to be a bannerr year for the O’Keefe household.  AND, here’s the important part, I’m going to learn more about what I consider my journey in life to be.  TOLERANCE.  That’s what I think I’m supposed to be learning.  Each and every day, that’s the thing I’m confronted with, or is that by?  Don’t know.  Any way, I’m convinced that whoever is in charge has been taking me down a path where all of the deadends that I hit, all the problems that are put in my way, are all no more than metaphors for the person I’m trying to be.

And I’m revisiting this missive a couple of days later and I am now even more convnced (based on the happenings of the first 2 days of the year)  that this year will be incredible AND challenging…details of which will follow as life unfolds…

Time for a change?

It’s new year’s eve morning and I’ve probably got a couple of hundred words before I hear my son call for his daddy and his milk – not necessarily in that order!  And I just saved another website in the favorites of my web browser.   This is a link to a study about black women who ate burgers and fried chicken having a 40-70% greater chance of becoming diabetic. 

I think I’ve probably got a hundred similar sites I’ve saved.  Where the information and data is staggering.  And I know it’s an effort in futility.  So I’ve decided that my resolution this year is going to be based on the lines of reciprocity.  Meaning, I’m going to care for other people (when it comes to health and fitness) only as much as they care for themselves.  That’s all I can give.  I’m not giving up.  I’m going to give back what is given forth.  Knowing that I’ve done as much as they’ve done for themselves.  Hmmmm

Rationalize and Compromise…..

I have a morning routine that I hate to have broken.  Yet another sign that I’m getting old!  I’m closer to 51 than I am 50 now…oh dear…

Part of that routine is to make coffee and read a few sections of the paper.  If the paper isn’t here when I get up, usually between 5 and 6, then I’m flustered.  Thankfully today wasn’t one of those days.  And I got to read something that inspired this missive.  It’s a column by a local reporter who’s been writing for the local ‘fishwrap’ for ever!  And he’s got the job I’d give my right arm for.  Writing down thoughts that come to him…and getting paid for it! 

Any way, today he wrote about the fact that he’s glad he never got that pony he wished for when he was a kid.  And then went on to lament about how sad he feels for children nowadays when it comes to the excesses of modern-day society.  And I have to agree with him.  I watched in a combination of amazement and sadness as my two and a half-year old son spent about 3 hours opening gifts on Christmas day.  And then smirked as he settled in with his favorite toy of the day – a 99 cents wind up frog that does somersaults!  Now that is funny.

The columnist described what went on at my house in precise detail.  So I’m assuming the same goes for any poor sod who happens to get to this web site.  And then he threw out a couple of nuggets that sum up Christmas AND, more importantly who we humans are in general.  RATIONALIZE AND COMPROMISE.  That’s it!  That’s what I did.  That’s how we all lead our daily lives.  Especially when it comes to health and fitness. 

Every day we (note I’m taking full responsibility for my part of this insanity) rationalize that it’s okay for us to eat something that we know is absolutely horrible for us.  Or we find some chore to do so it eats into the time for exercise.  Oohhh…how about this.  We watch a program on telly about fat people losing weight instead of exercising and losing weight!  Or even better is sitting at a computer drinking and eating something bad while researching diets that we know don’t work and we will only stay on for a week or two! 

And soon we compromise.  And the definition of that  is ‘a settlement of a dispute in which two or more sides agree to accept less than they originally wanted.’  Now comes the funniest part of this diatribe.  There’s only one side!  You’re it.  When it comes to your health, fitness and general well-being.  The only person in the equation is you!  And when you rationalize about not eating healthy and not exercising, it’s only yourself who is being duped.  Then, when you make compromises you’re adding insult to injury!  You’ve managed to lie to yourself about why you ate rubbish and didn’t exercise and follow that by creating a compromise for yourself regarding how to make it a win-win situation.  Wow….

Okay, having written that I’m now able to rationalize not having worked on the technical part of the website that I should have been working on….and will subsequently compromise by saying that I’ve got lots of free time available this afternoon to do what I should have done this morning.  And will cap it off by acknowledging the fact that I believe that, in this case, I’m a loser!

Back to the grindstone….

Well, Christmas has come and gone.  It’s the early hours of Monday morning and I’m doing my utmost to get my head and body into the game.  It was a pretty rough holiday for me.  Lots of reasons.  None of them of any value.  But it makes me feel a little better about myself if I justify my self wallowing.  Mostly because of the irony of the fact that nobody is going to read what I write!  And even those words being typed make me feel a little better about myself.

And I think it’s because last night I fell asleep reading the latest book by Michael Chabon.  It’s about fatherhood.  And when I read the review I knew I wasn’t going to be reading a classic fiction novel.  No, this is more on how we men inevitably fail at fatherhood.  And what I got from the first chapter is going to help me get through today.  What I got from him is so applicable to life it’s humbling.  As I know that nobody is going to read this, so do I know that nobody is going to care what I accomplish today.  There may be an occurence of someone letting me know what I didn’t get done.  But no kudos for what I did.  And should anyone stumble upon this missive there’s a grain of truth behind that for you.

You’re probably figuring out this healthy living and exercise thing.  What to eat.  How much to eat.  What exercises to do.  And all along the way you’re fighting such an incredible uphill battle.  You work your ass off!  At least you think you do.  And the flipping scale goes up!   You prepare healthy foods from a recipe and it takes like excrement from a dung beetle!  And to add insult to injury every time you do have a breakthrough there’s nobody there to applaud you. 

Boy I’d love to give you some words of encouragement that will make all of the effort seem worthwhile and a positive thing in your life.  But I can’t.  Because words aren’t what this is all about.  You just have to know that the person you’re being is what it boils down to.  You’re being a fit and healthy person and leading the fit and healthy life you want to lead.  That’s all there is to it.  No fanfare.  No crowd.  Just you and your habits.  The ones that make you feel good about you.  I know that’s the truth because I’m feeling it right now.  Not a lot.  But there’s something there.   Some glimmer of hope that I’ll be rewarded for doing something I know is good for me – writing.  And then it hits me.  I am.  I’m being a writer.

Things aren’t as easy as they seem some times – call it karma

Oh boy…..the ‘man in charge’ really has it in for me today…..I’ve been planning on writing in this blog…I’ve been writing/blogging.  But not here.  So I decided to get back at it….and what a nightmare it’s been.  And I’m doing my best to see the good in all of this….and I found it..it’s called empathy…

I’m fortunate in the respect I can go anywhere and exercise because of my knowledge and experience.  But I just spent the last hour making it to this page to write a measly couple of hundred words!  And I get the picture that God is sending me…being proficient at stuff like this is a monstrous challenge for me.  And I inevitably end up throwing my hands in the air and coming up with something else I need to do and promising to come back to this. 

And that’s the thought process of a fat person!  I get it.  Because I’ve been that fat person as well.  I know I used to get frustrated because I didn’t know how to work a machine at the gym.  So I’d use it as an excuse to pack in!  Which is almost what I did today with this flipping blog.  But I didn’t.  I learned a valuable lesson.  To quote Jimmy V “don’t give up, don’t ever give up”.

Don’t judge a book by its cover!

Mike and I did a presentation on Monday for the employees at Fairfield county Ohio.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I had a blast.  And was reminded about how we humans are able to operate outside our normal comfort zones when we have to.  I’m guessing that very few people who were at the meeting believe me when I say I’m incredibly shy! 

I know it sounds odd – especially if you saw me prancing around on stage.  But it’s true.   And to demonstrate how I know it’s true all you have to do is hear people talk about  my soon-to-be 2 year old son – Quinlan.  His teachers at school say that he’s super shy when something or someone new comes along.  And then when he gets comfortable he’s a very outgoing and gregarious little boy. 

Me too.  When I was waiting for people to show up I was nervous and sweaty and panicking.  As soon as the first person entered the room I switched gears and became the person I needed to be at that time and moment.  And ultimately loved every minute of it.  And the point I’m trying to make to anyone out there is, I’m normal.  Every day we have to do things that we don’t believe we’re cut out to be.  But because we understand that by making ourselves do it our life will be more fulfilled we go ahead and create this ‘alter ego’ who fills in for us.  My alter ego filled in for me on Monday AND will fill in for me when I have to work out today….

A question that still makes me smile

About 10 years ago I was renting a condo in San Diego with a girl who I met through my running/fundraising with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  We knew as soon as we met that we would make great roommates and be lifelong friends.  When a good friend came back from Japan and asked me to let him move back onto his 43 foot sailboat harbored downtown, I cried…and then cried some more…and then got on with it.  And moved in with Kate.  When we were filling out the applications we had to list the d.o.b. of our roommate and learned we shared the same birthday – coincidence?  There is no such thing!

I’m 50 so I’m thinking Kate is about 38 or so.  She may just read this one day and correct me on my grammar and syntax as she is an English teacher.  Make that was.  Now she’s a stay at home mom to 2 cracking kids.  I doubt she’ll remember me saying one day that she and her ilk are, in some ways, better off than us regular folk.  And her ‘ilk’ are cancer survivors.  She had dodged 3 bullets by the time she reached her 30th birthday.  And I’ll have to expound upon that statement some other time.

The title of this missive comes from the day she came home and told me about a distraught student of hers.  She taught at a very good private school and the kids were over achievers.  This one day a 16 year old girl who’s mother was in the process of divorcing her third or fourth husband asked…”Miss Gordon, how old are you when you stop making stupid decisions?”

I’m smiling right now as I think of that question.  As I’m sitting here writing this when I should be doing one of soooo many other things today.  Because there is no answer to that is there?  I’m 50 and some days I take stock of some of the things I’ve done in a day and wonder when I’m going to hit puberty!!  Good Grief Mel, what the heck were you thinking when you did that? 

And, I have a point to make.  People who’ve faced death and live (I’ve been around more than you could ever imagine) see choices differently to us, excuse this description – it’s me I’m talking about – immortals.  I think I’m going to live forever!  Do you know why?  Because I habitually say “I’ll do it tomorrow”.  Which means I obviously know I’ll wake up in the morning.  Ergo, I’m immortal.  Strike that!  I choose to not do certain things because I can. 

Once upon a time that meant a gallon of beer and a pizza a night.  Now it’s writing blogs when I should be making dinner….oops…

Armchair quarterback season…

I know the title could be referencing the upcoming football season.  Actually it is.  But it’s more in reference to my membership base.  I’ll be honest when I say I have a tough time with armchair quarterbacking.  Because I know who most of them are…having been there and done that.  When I was a lump (or as a good Canadian friend of mine called me a ‘tub of goo’) I spent a lot of time commenting on how a player should have done this or that as I wolfed down my nachos and drank my flagon of beer!!

I have to admit that it’s not a character trait that I’m proud of.  And I know that if I kept on talking about how things could have been done better or a game could have been won if so-and-so had done such-and-such it would prevent me from thinking about ME….and the fact that I was a lump and getting bigger by the day!  Thankfully things are different for me right now.  Ten years later I’m as fit as a fiddle at 50 years of age…with a son who turns 2 in 3 weeks and hopefully a brother of sister for him in the next year – yes, I’ve done the math about how old I’m going to be when he graduates…thank you very much.

And now to the point of this diatribe.  A business partner recently gave me a great book  called “how I went from failure to success in selling”.  And I realised that that’s the approach I’m going to have.  I always have actually.  But it’s going to be more pronounced.  You see, he openly admits in print that he absolutely sucked when it came to selling.  And then documented what he did to become one of the best in the world in his field.

Now, I’m never going to say that I’m one of the best in my field.  But I can say that I went from being borderline obese to crossing the finish line of an Ironman triathlon in just over 12 hours – 3 years later.  So when someone hears me say “it’s like this” or “you’re going to be”…..those words are coming from someone who has been there and done that…

Survival of the fittest…

I trained a client at the gym this morning who has had unique success.  He’s one of my retirees who actually needed to gain weight!  Yes, there are few out there believe it or not.   And he’s gone from about 160 to 175 pounds and is now almost as strong as I am!  And he is very good at keeping me updated on the health care bill.  He mentioned today that we don’t have to worry about him or his generation.  Based on a graph created by the major creator of the upcoming bill it appears as if the government is going to have a parablolic spending program. 

Which means if you take a typical line graph the x axis is $ spent.  The y axis is age.  At the bottom left corner where the x and y head horizontal and vertical away from each other you are at 0.  As in $0 being spent and a mother is pregnant.  Then as the child ages the line heads up and away at about a 45 degree angle on a gradual line until at approximately 30 years of age the government is spending the maximum amount of money available.  Then the curve starts to head precipitously south…until at approximately age 60 there’s, once again, no money being spent!

Now I’m sure he embellished a little – he’s old!  But I know there’s a semblance of truth to his observation.  Most importantly he and I both agree that we are definitely getting closer and closer to an era of the ‘survival of the fittest’.  It’s happening back home in England and will happen here.  I have doctor friends back home who are ‘prioritizing’ their treatments…..young productive chaps are put ahead of the ‘wrinklies’ and ‘grey hairs’ who, well, aren’t productive.  Sad, but true.  And, yet another reason to make sure you look after yourself…

Cynic?  Nope….pragmatist….

It’s Rubber meets road time…

I’m playing hookie, to a certain extent.  I should be working on content for the site because we start a pretty large pilot project next week.  But I’m writing this missive instead.  So it’s work related…sort of.  And I’m sure I can make it have some kind of meaning.  Because that’s my forte.  Which sometimes is more of a burden than it is a blessing. 

I know I have to keep this brief because I have to head into the gym in a few hours to train people (still my passion and something I promise I’ll do no matter how busy I get or successful the site becomes).  But prior to that I’ve got dialogues to write and record.  Breakfast to make for my wife and son.  Emails to return.  Studies about obesity to read and rewrite for normal (I say that tongue in cheek) people like me.  Not academics.  And yet, here I am playing away on my keyboard and doing what I like.  Hmm….where’s the analogy here?

It’s actually not that hard to come up with.  Today at the gym I’m going to see, I’m going to guess, 9 out of 10 people doing exercises that they really like to do.  That don’t have very much effect or help them with their health and fitness goals.  It’s just something we humans do.  Quite simply it’s called the path of least resistance.  Given the option of doing something challenging that is going to bear the ripest and juiciest fruit or doing something that is easy and what we like to do that bears little or no fruit, which do we choose?  You’ve got it.  In my case it’s called blogging.  Yours?